Ignorance is bliss, or so I’ve been told.  I wish I could turn back time, back to when I didn’t know what I know now.  I wish I could see things the way I saw them then.  I miss the naivety that may have been what led me here in the first place.  I don’t care.  I miss it.  I wish I could love without caution like the heart of a child.  I wish trust came like an instinct – wholeheartedly, without thought, like it used to.  I wish I would have realized how little I mattered to you  and saw the shallowness in the many times you said otherwise.  I wish I would have known to guard my heart, my daughter, my family, and my very fragile, faltering marriage.  I wish I would have thought twice about confiding all of my insecurities, faults, and struggles in you.  If only I would have foreseen that they would be used against me like the twisting of the knife – as if the first aim wasn’t on target enough for you.  I wish I could be as unaffected and indifferent about this as you are.  I guess I would be if I would have seen it coming like you did.  I wish I could change what happened, change your mind when you chose to do what you did.  I wish I understood, knew why, or could grasp your reasoning for inflicting the amount of pain that you have.  I wish I could erase it all, wipe it clean, go back in time.  I wish I didn’t see what I saw.  I’m moving on though, effortlessly I wish.  In regards to you, I wish you the very best life possible – without me in it.


1 thought on “Wishes.

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